Not that I am, really. Life’s been kinda bleh — and I like it this way.
It’s quite quiet. It’s reality. It’s normal life.
I’ve been walking around and wandering Singapore alone (mostly). I guess you could say that this is a form of therapy for myself. I realize I tend to gravitate towards quiet, secluded places without crowds. And I love to play melancholy music in these areas and place myself (voluntarily) in a wistful, longing mood.
I listened to Mirai Nikki’s ‘Another World (piano)’ just now and I’m listening to an orchestral rendition of Tifa’s theme now. It’s brilliant — that sweet aching pain in your heart.
You know this is reality. You know that heroes aren’t real. Yet you find yourself longing for someone — for something out of the ordinary to happen.
(Never you mind that the previous time something strange occurred it was a murder.)
And yet you find yourself having a quiet respect for this tranquility. You enjoy it — even. You happen to be the very strange sort of extrovert that seeks out alone company.
You realize, of course, that the romanticism of the moment is only in your head. It is all in your head. Your (figurative) knights in shining armor. Your end of the world plots and doomsday cults.
That’s life, I suppose.
It’s mundane. It’s forgettable. It’s boring. And yet it’s these quiet moments of tranquility that you remember most. That you seek out during exams, during school days, during your trials and tribulations.
It would be wonderful to meet the love of your life here, of course. She would be sitting there — hauntingly beautiful and aloof, with a book in hand. She would look strangely familiar and yet otherworldly at the same time. She would have long, luscious hair and a pair of black sunglasses so dark you could see the reflection of the night sky and the countless stars.
Ideally, you would feel the mechanical wind of the air con blowing past you, lending a cool atmosphere to the entire situation. You would look at her and be consumed by an urgent longing — a familiarity that seems to elude you.
Of course it’s only a dream. Nothing like that happens in real life. But let me indulge myself further.
You switch to ‘Karma’ of Ever17 fame on your headphones — very much appropriate for your desired escape into the abyss of your own heart. The ocean that lurks underneath.
She would be Tsugumi and you would be Takeshi.
She would be Kurisu and you would be Okabe.
She would have that aloof look in her eyes that captivates you so entirely. That you would lose yourself in that ocean and she yours.
The submarine is collapsing further and further into the depths of the sea, next to an abandoned LeMU. The piano chords are soulfully melodic.
You leap off the rooftop, with the stars shining quietly by, conscious only of her hand in yours.
Nothing else matters — you are one with the world now. You are free.
Time for another can of melon milk.